I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
