so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
