I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
