you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize