ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
