Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
