im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
