I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
