one might say we're banned from that church
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
