I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
