I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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