im drinking this country out of the recession.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
