Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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