Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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