There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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