He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
