Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
