Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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