the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
