I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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