i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
