Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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