We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
