Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
