i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
