I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
