I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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