I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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