he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
