Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
