life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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