Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize