I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
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