awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
