Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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