why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
