Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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