There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
