he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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