It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
