I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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