Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize