just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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