Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
