just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
This is the high leading the old right now
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
