dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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