Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
