I'm sorry my penis didn't work
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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