i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
