you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
