my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize