I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
