You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
