I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
