You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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