oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
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