we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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