oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
