I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
