How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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