i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
