Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
