i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
