I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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