I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
