A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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