Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
