Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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