Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
