i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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