She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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