Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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