After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
