I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
