The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
