a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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