You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
