drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
