He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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