I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
