I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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