Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
