he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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