I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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