Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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