So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
