Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
