I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
