I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
