I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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