No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
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