I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
