Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
