And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
