I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
