i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
